So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize