in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
