I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
