I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
