So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
