she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I need moral support for this bender
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
