I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
