I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
