I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
