Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
