My brain says no but my pants say off.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Pants are for mortals
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
