you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
