my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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