Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
