ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
