Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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