we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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