mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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