My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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