it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
