sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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