Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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