so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
