Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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