She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
