just survived the first fart of the relationship.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
