laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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