Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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