Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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