I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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