My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
When are your genitals available?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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