Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
