I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
