do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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