Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
soo... how was my night?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
