This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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