jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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