Pregnant stripper...not hot.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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