Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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