Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
