I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
