Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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