I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
