i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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