i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
