Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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