We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize