and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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