@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
