i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
