Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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