In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
