you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Drake has all the answers
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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