What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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