but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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