She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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