Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
