There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
