I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
