i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
