that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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