he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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