If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
