Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
