I'm lost and stupid without you.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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