you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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