my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
