Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
