You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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