dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
