Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
