So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
