2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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