I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
