I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Randomize
