I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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