I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
