Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
