that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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