I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
