quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
