get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize