I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
