I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
