For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
