Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize