Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
