when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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