I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize