so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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