I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
