If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
