My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize