um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
