id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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