i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
