Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
