Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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