is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
